im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
