when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
