he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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