I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
