I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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