so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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