I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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