i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
