Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
