I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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