I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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