When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish i was in the wii world.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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