just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
