I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
sarcasm needs its own font
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
