Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
