my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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