I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
