How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
