I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
