do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
