one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
