Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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