Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
