I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
