Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
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