yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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