make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
