if only i could text you this smell
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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