I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
