I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im holly from the hills drunk
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
