Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
