No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
