If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
