i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
