i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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