He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
