so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
