youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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