Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A+ Viking dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
