I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn victory sex feels great
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
