he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
