She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
