just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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