Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
