we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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