I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
