Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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