i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
