my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
