Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
