I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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