Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
