I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
