just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
