just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
